Up and down

Recently, I need to conduct experiment.
The songs used is one sad and one happy.
My mood was going along up and down as well.

Recently, my feeling is very up and down.
My sense of composing and creating has come out.
They were just like waves that flows thro' and flow thro'
The feeling that I have lost long time ago came back.
My inspiration, make me happy, but bother me at the same time 2.
I just dun hav time to look at them or record them.
Let them go ba...

I seldom have dream or know dream, but recently
I can even dream so many stories while sleeping.
How come the stories and inspiration can become so strong?
I also dunno what is the source of stimulation.
Might be too many musics and movies for project recently.
It is different from enjoying entertainment
To be attentive for movie & music & so create the effect?
Dunno...

Recently, i have four projects on hand.
_Thesis havent touched yet.
_One experiment is in analysis stage, still headache for it.
Just hope everything is simple and effective.
We are striving for the extra 5 bonus mark.
I heard that they are going to be harsh
for this assignment and final exam,
because mid-term is too easy alr. hmm...

_One construct in in poster stage
I felt scared and sense my inability a lot.
Just tell myself, it's way to learn to accept my weakness.
Hmm....I have trouble to follow my group mate, contribute,
participate in discussion and understand their conversation.
Staying with them, i just become very quiet and have no opinions.
However, i spend most time with them. Hmm
Their brain just work so fast and their english just so good.
I havent read any sentence, they alr understand the content.
How to follow their pace, how to catch up?
No way to do.
I can only come back to my own
and study whatever I can by my own.
Wonder why, even i know i will feel bad,
i still choose to take this subject. Hmm.....

_Lastly, is movie project.
It is totally opposite with construct.
I can think a lots, I talk a lots, I do a lots, I create a lots.
I have ways to solve the problems.
I felt happy while doing because they are pictures and not words.
They are stories and life but not argument, critical nor statistic.
It is in editing phase now and i enjoy seeing the film.
However, playing too many role at the same time
and i felt myself not concentrate enough.
I didnt play my role well at certain point of time.
So many little things i didnt notice and cause the loss of feeling.
Hmm....Suddenly, have a loss of confidence to my movie.

Besides that, sad to see the assignment.
Blame on myself for not participating in group meeting.
Everything is just a mess.
I sense that
my ability to trust go down some more..
Hard to build up and can go down so easy...haha

Morning, i felt happy for no reason.
So i write down sth
I think i am just in manic phase, then, I scared and wonder
Will it go down to depression phase steeply?
Just think about that, then
From afternoon til night til next day...
the depression feel really come and stay with me....
I sense myself see every negative things
Every positive thing changed to negative by powerful me alr.
Is it because i thought of negative when i was in manic phase?
The power of mind by "Secret"?
I dunno.

Just so up and down.
But luckily I am aware of most things.