Everything in life is full of tests. When there are choices, need to see what a person will choose. When there is no choice, need to see how to create choices. Many things need to depend on decision made. When choices and decisions chained along time, it's life.
Today, i decided to participate an event and not to tuition, so i see more information about the therapy. Then, I decided not to bring rain coat, so i need to suffer being drained. When I decided to take short cut road, it's become a long and weary night in PS, because of turning around and around.
This time, when waiting for bus, there was a girl waiting the same bus with me. She kept talking with me and den asked me to keep an eye on her belongings because she need to go to toilet. Dun like this kind of responsibility, because it will be really troublesome if there is something happen. Finally, she came back and everything were safe. Then, she started to keep complaining on the bus not coming. Later, she invited me to take taxi with her twice, but I decided to reject. In the end, she still decided to take taxi alone, which cost RM27. It is really costly.
Well, within 5 minutes after she left, the bus came.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Differences
Last year of December, I still felt guilty for the death of grandmother. This year, I have almost forgotten about her death ceremony and wanna to participate one ceremony in University.
Last year of September to December, life was hectic. This year, life was quiet. Both years are busy but is belong to difference types of busy. Difference experiences let me experiences differences feeling. Then, i know what i would like to have and not to have.
Dad said, my rich cousin renovated his house, the whole lower floor, into karaoke room. The TV screen is 101' and there is thousands of songs. My mouth cant close when i heard this as i think it is really exaggerate.
Maybe I should be envy or jealous gua. However, what pop up in my mind is my another cousin, his younger brother. When there is superior, there is inferior. Their fates can be totally differences from each other.
The younger cousin's business cant expand, own a condo and have a son not so brilliant. Besides that, one sad thing to say, he used to have twins children, but his wife experienced miscarriage when they were six months old in womb. Just heard about it, felt that it was really heart pain, let alone who experience it.
Yet, the cousin who renovate his house own a three floor semi-bungalow, have great business that really earn moneys and two children (one son and one daughter) who looked clever.
With this kind of "happiness", comparisons will occur automatically. When there is someone happy, another will be unhappy. Wondering how he will feel. Hope he can cope with it.
Hmm... If a person think got problem, got problem. If a person think no problem, no problem.
Last year of September to December, life was hectic. This year, life was quiet. Both years are busy but is belong to difference types of busy. Difference experiences let me experiences differences feeling. Then, i know what i would like to have and not to have.
Dad said, my rich cousin renovated his house, the whole lower floor, into karaoke room. The TV screen is 101' and there is thousands of songs. My mouth cant close when i heard this as i think it is really exaggerate.
Maybe I should be envy or jealous gua. However, what pop up in my mind is my another cousin, his younger brother. When there is superior, there is inferior. Their fates can be totally differences from each other.
The younger cousin's business cant expand, own a condo and have a son not so brilliant. Besides that, one sad thing to say, he used to have twins children, but his wife experienced miscarriage when they were six months old in womb. Just heard about it, felt that it was really heart pain, let alone who experience it.
Yet, the cousin who renovate his house own a three floor semi-bungalow, have great business that really earn moneys and two children (one son and one daughter) who looked clever.
With this kind of "happiness", comparisons will occur automatically. When there is someone happy, another will be unhappy. Wondering how he will feel. Hope he can cope with it.
Hmm... If a person think got problem, got problem. If a person think no problem, no problem.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Expectation to meet them
When i first came to college to study, I have a little expectation. Since I choose to study psychology, I thought that I will met with people with philosophy thought and thought that involves human nature.
Hmm...It seem not really like that. However, I did meet quite a number of people with deeper thought. Compare to other places or secondary schools, I meet more people who think about life and human nature in college, instead of money and results only.
Then, I discover a common trait, which is easy to angry. It might be due to feeling of critique to surrounding, think that everything I think is right and have many own opinions to things.
This anger feeling has become the barrier for me to them. Besides that, there is a hidden arrogant insides the mind of these kind of people as well. It is a bit pity to be unable to share thoughts together and listen views from other perspectives. Most discussions are hard to be remained calm and objectives.
I seem can understand the trait as I used to be like that. I dunno whether I have changed successfully or not, but i know I have put down a lot of rage and arrogant in mind. To be able to see and accept more things.
Hmm...It seem not really like that. However, I did meet quite a number of people with deeper thought. Compare to other places or secondary schools, I meet more people who think about life and human nature in college, instead of money and results only.
Then, I discover a common trait, which is easy to angry. It might be due to feeling of critique to surrounding, think that everything I think is right and have many own opinions to things.
This anger feeling has become the barrier for me to them. Besides that, there is a hidden arrogant insides the mind of these kind of people as well. It is a bit pity to be unable to share thoughts together and listen views from other perspectives. Most discussions are hard to be remained calm and objectives.
I seem can understand the trait as I used to be like that. I dunno whether I have changed successfully or not, but i know I have put down a lot of rage and arrogant in mind. To be able to see and accept more things.
Adult
Adult, this term bring a lot of negative meanings for me. Most of them do not do what they said. It seem that everything they said is the right thing, but some things are not really like this. They can choose not to keep promises and not to explain anything. Besides that, they have the power to instruct the minors to follow what they said and yet let the minors to bear the consequences by themselves. With the power, they can choose not to protect minor. There are many things seen.
Yea, I used to be disappointing to them. So, I dun wanna see them and listen to them. Since i know what they said is not always the right thing, i make my own decision which is the most suitable for me. No need to discuss and ask for approval.
I was planning and waiting. I wanted to collect the resources to leave the place and wandering around the world. I dun want to care for anything.
Just, there was a turning point occur. Therefore, i live a life now.
However, sudden realize I have grown up now. I see the people with almost same age around me. We have become adults. It is a understanding that we are actually almost the same. It is the reality, no one can change it. It is the chains that continue one by one. There was no end and no start.
It's never mind already. For the uncontrollable, just accept it. For the controllable, try all the best to maintain the controllable. Hmm...
Yea, I used to be disappointing to them. So, I dun wanna see them and listen to them. Since i know what they said is not always the right thing, i make my own decision which is the most suitable for me. No need to discuss and ask for approval.
I was planning and waiting. I wanted to collect the resources to leave the place and wandering around the world. I dun want to care for anything.
Just, there was a turning point occur. Therefore, i live a life now.
However, sudden realize I have grown up now. I see the people with almost same age around me. We have become adults. It is a understanding that we are actually almost the same. It is the reality, no one can change it. It is the chains that continue one by one. There was no end and no start.
It's never mind already. For the uncontrollable, just accept it. For the controllable, try all the best to maintain the controllable. Hmm...
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Extreme
In the test, the result show that i have a ability is superior, but some are average. Even the person-in-charge also met a trouble to determine it or think that have make a mistake during doing the test.
In the assignment, I got 18/20 (superior), yet another got 7/20 (low). Sometime i think that it looked stupid because both added up and divided into two means average only. It make the superior means nothing, although almost no other else can reach the superior stage.
For subjects, i can score really high for one and then another really low. So, my result can be really extreme to both side. Sometime i felt funny.
Wondering which psychology theory can explain these for me. Started to think, is it because of motivation? But then, i still cant arrange my thoughts for this.
I am always like that, started since small. No one can have any tactic to get me. I think i bring a lot of troublesome for parents. Mom once said, "this is called follow the "wind" (means follow mood), so bring problems to yourself and others lo." I know this is not rational. I try to change, but i felt even stupid for doing so. The thought of "putting effort on stupid thing" "this is meaningless" and many thoughts will come out. Yea, i will be brought away by these thoughts as i really felt boredom.
Haha... It is my stubbornness. Yea, for the thing i like, i would put whole heart into it. For the thing i dun like, no one can force me, even myself, to do it.
Until today and now, I have a wish in my mind. The one and only wish in my mind. I really hope they can allow me this time as I have also really decided to do so. Let me be stubborn for the last time, to them. I know the stubbornness do come out already but I would like to call for more stubbornness. It is really needed at this point of time and in this situation. Do please come out.
Be extreme. Be brave.
In the assignment, I got 18/20 (superior), yet another got 7/20 (low). Sometime i think that it looked stupid because both added up and divided into two means average only. It make the superior means nothing, although almost no other else can reach the superior stage.
For subjects, i can score really high for one and then another really low. So, my result can be really extreme to both side. Sometime i felt funny.
Wondering which psychology theory can explain these for me. Started to think, is it because of motivation? But then, i still cant arrange my thoughts for this.
I am always like that, started since small. No one can have any tactic to get me. I think i bring a lot of troublesome for parents. Mom once said, "this is called follow the "wind" (means follow mood), so bring problems to yourself and others lo." I know this is not rational. I try to change, but i felt even stupid for doing so. The thought of "putting effort on stupid thing" "this is meaningless" and many thoughts will come out. Yea, i will be brought away by these thoughts as i really felt boredom.
Haha... It is my stubbornness. Yea, for the thing i like, i would put whole heart into it. For the thing i dun like, no one can force me, even myself, to do it.
Until today and now, I have a wish in my mind. The one and only wish in my mind. I really hope they can allow me this time as I have also really decided to do so. Let me be stubborn for the last time, to them. I know the stubbornness do come out already but I would like to call for more stubbornness. It is really needed at this point of time and in this situation. Do please come out.
Be extreme. Be brave.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Out of expectation
I went for a forum at the beginning of this semester. In the forum, they recommended about a test and give offer. Since i can afford it, so i decided to give it a try, for fun and also experience.
I get my result recently. It told me I have superior perceptual reasoning index. Then high average working memory. Lastly, it is the average verbal comprehension index and average processing speed index. Then the person told me that i have better auditory memory than visual memory. Hehe, good auditory memory let me able to remember what people once said before, it let me know what kind of a person is.
Haha, actually, i expecting an analytical and deeper information. However, i think what i know about myself is more than the result given to me.
I think this test is just a tool to put people to compare with each other, to know where is own position in certain ability. This create the high, low, superior and inferior, compare to people. Haiz...i just want to compare to myself, i know i have good perceptual reasoning and know i am weak in communication. Then?
Hmm, this test cannot tell me as well. So, what will happen when a person told me I am superior than others in certain ability. I think one is to be arrogant and another one is limited myself. Since i know it is superior, i will see a line that i am closer to the final but not see the unlimited.
Since i am aware about this, hope i am able to avoid restricting myself.
I think this test did let me gain experience. Well, I did not plan for this experience and also most of the experiences. When i interact with my environment, i just see what i can do and what i want to do. Holding this to live in this world let me able to do a lot of things. Sometime, when people asked me how do i know about this info and that info, i really do not know how to answer. Just enjoy the out of expectation and notice the information that do not match with our own view and thoughts gua. Hmm...like this, the world become bigger le gua, i think is because of this ba.
Because ya, planing for too many things will only cause vexations. When focusing on meaningless vexations, it let people lose the broader view and chances.
Just like her, because of planning, she need to deal with the conflicts, started to worry and become emo. It exhausted her because of using energy to think, talk, angry, sad and etc, for should-be-a-simple matter. It can be avoided or do not need to make it become like that. Hmm...People make it complicated. So, being too attached to something and wanna something happen same as the plan cause miserable. Sometime, just let it go and let most of the thing happen naturally to become an event, it will be meaningful, happier and relaxing.
Haha...just....Enjoying the out of expectation.
I get my result recently. It told me I have superior perceptual reasoning index. Then high average working memory. Lastly, it is the average verbal comprehension index and average processing speed index. Then the person told me that i have better auditory memory than visual memory. Hehe, good auditory memory let me able to remember what people once said before, it let me know what kind of a person is.
Haha, actually, i expecting an analytical and deeper information. However, i think what i know about myself is more than the result given to me.
I think this test is just a tool to put people to compare with each other, to know where is own position in certain ability. This create the high, low, superior and inferior, compare to people. Haiz...i just want to compare to myself, i know i have good perceptual reasoning and know i am weak in communication. Then?
Hmm, this test cannot tell me as well. So, what will happen when a person told me I am superior than others in certain ability. I think one is to be arrogant and another one is limited myself. Since i know it is superior, i will see a line that i am closer to the final but not see the unlimited.
Since i am aware about this, hope i am able to avoid restricting myself.
I think this test did let me gain experience. Well, I did not plan for this experience and also most of the experiences. When i interact with my environment, i just see what i can do and what i want to do. Holding this to live in this world let me able to do a lot of things. Sometime, when people asked me how do i know about this info and that info, i really do not know how to answer. Just enjoy the out of expectation and notice the information that do not match with our own view and thoughts gua. Hmm...like this, the world become bigger le gua, i think is because of this ba.
Because ya, planing for too many things will only cause vexations. When focusing on meaningless vexations, it let people lose the broader view and chances.
Just like her, because of planning, she need to deal with the conflicts, started to worry and become emo. It exhausted her because of using energy to think, talk, angry, sad and etc, for should-be-a-simple matter. It can be avoided or do not need to make it become like that. Hmm...People make it complicated. So, being too attached to something and wanna something happen same as the plan cause miserable. Sometime, just let it go and let most of the thing happen naturally to become an event, it will be meaningful, happier and relaxing.
Haha...just....Enjoying the out of expectation.
Exam
It's exam period recently.
People seem discussing about the Miss S's exam.
Hmm...i know if it happen to me, i will feel terrible as well.
Just, I still view it from another angle.
She didnt tell students what to study. Then, in the exam, a large amount of questions (almost 70%) are not come out from reading material. People upset and confuse in the exam and after the exam.
Hmm... so, what a person study is what will come out in the exam seem has gradually become a rule for the student. Besides that, we should have the time to prepare for the test as well. I think that's the reason when something out of the rule happen, everyone is making furious.
It is because the outcome is the most importance, not only for the person who experience the test, but also who judge people based on outcome.
However, in reality, this kind of tests is really common. Besides that, there is always no material and time for a person to prepare. The test of life will come from everywhere, anyway and anytime.
Therefore, i think everything have to be well prepared all the time originally. The preparation is depending on the large amount of things, such as attitude, EQ, whether material read understood and remembered and many. In other words, it is not starting to prepare only after knowing when will be having test and what kind of test it is. This will not happen in reality.
Of coz, it is easier to be said than done. So, i think who can pass this kind of test (Ms S's exam), who will be the one can survive.
It is the thought and surprise given by Ms S in this semester.
People seem discussing about the Miss S's exam.
Hmm...i know if it happen to me, i will feel terrible as well.
Just, I still view it from another angle.
She didnt tell students what to study. Then, in the exam, a large amount of questions (almost 70%) are not come out from reading material. People upset and confuse in the exam and after the exam.
Hmm... so, what a person study is what will come out in the exam seem has gradually become a rule for the student. Besides that, we should have the time to prepare for the test as well. I think that's the reason when something out of the rule happen, everyone is making furious.
It is because the outcome is the most importance, not only for the person who experience the test, but also who judge people based on outcome.
However, in reality, this kind of tests is really common. Besides that, there is always no material and time for a person to prepare. The test of life will come from everywhere, anyway and anytime.
Therefore, i think everything have to be well prepared all the time originally. The preparation is depending on the large amount of things, such as attitude, EQ, whether material read understood and remembered and many. In other words, it is not starting to prepare only after knowing when will be having test and what kind of test it is. This will not happen in reality.
Of coz, it is easier to be said than done. So, i think who can pass this kind of test (Ms S's exam), who will be the one can survive.
It is the thought and surprise given by Ms S in this semester.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Living in the past, present or future
Used to be living in the future. Everything in my mind is what should i do tomorrow. Then i need to plan in sequences for it. For the study or settling jobs as well, need to have forethought.
Used to be living in the past since i can remember what i had experience in the past. The pictures like to replay in my mind, just like watching the television. The difference is just watching memory that replay in my mind make me experienced the feelings again.
Used to be living in the present since i think no used to think about the past and future so much. Put every effort and time to do what i can do now. Then, start to questioning, so what if i do and so what if I don't.
Then, found out that, no matter how i live, is just nothing. Just like I cant remember how my grandparents live their lives. No one know about them, no matter how much bitterness, sorrowful, happiness and joyful they used to have.
In the end, i found out that, there is nothing to be live on. In fact, there is no future because it will never come. When i think it come, it is the present not the future already. However, where is the present? Every second has become the past when i am typing the words, isnt it? There is no past as well. The past have already past, what can I care?
Used to be living in the past since i can remember what i had experience in the past. The pictures like to replay in my mind, just like watching the television. The difference is just watching memory that replay in my mind make me experienced the feelings again.
Used to be living in the present since i think no used to think about the past and future so much. Put every effort and time to do what i can do now. Then, start to questioning, so what if i do and so what if I don't.
Then, found out that, no matter how i live, is just nothing. Just like I cant remember how my grandparents live their lives. No one know about them, no matter how much bitterness, sorrowful, happiness and joyful they used to have.
In the end, i found out that, there is nothing to be live on. In fact, there is no future because it will never come. When i think it come, it is the present not the future already. However, where is the present? Every second has become the past when i am typing the words, isnt it? There is no past as well. The past have already past, what can I care?
That career
Lecturer talked about the career, to be so upright, fairness and humanistic. In the past, i will believe in it and like that job very much. However, now i just know it is not the truth because career is based on human. What kind of humans shaped what kind of career.
Yeah...I am not believing in it. Nowadays, how are the people's attitude, behavior and thought to live in this world, and so shaped the career. There is no such pure career as described in the books already. Normally, book cover the fact and only release good information. So as the newspaper and people's speech.
Maybe a person have the pure heart to go into the career, ,hmm...., but normally people changed due to the environment, in order to survive. Still, it depend on majority. Or else need to depend on the great strength of minority.
For the minority, it need revolution, it needs great effort and time or even lives to change whole things. However, what i can say that, in the end, people still remain the same kind of fighting and struggling. They have just changed another form of pattern to live.
It is because the mind never changed, no matter what evolution, no matter what happen in the world, Tsunami......
Yeah...I am not believing in it. Nowadays, how are the people's attitude, behavior and thought to live in this world, and so shaped the career. There is no such pure career as described in the books already. Normally, book cover the fact and only release good information. So as the newspaper and people's speech.
Maybe a person have the pure heart to go into the career, ,hmm...., but normally people changed due to the environment, in order to survive. Still, it depend on majority. Or else need to depend on the great strength of minority.
For the minority, it need revolution, it needs great effort and time or even lives to change whole things. However, what i can say that, in the end, people still remain the same kind of fighting and struggling. They have just changed another form of pattern to live.
It is because the mind never changed, no matter what evolution, no matter what happen in the world, Tsunami......
Soft Drink
Now I know that brand of soft drink exploit poor people's water to make their product. Even after they know the people there depend on water to survive and yet they dun care. Besides that, the drink is not only including seven spoon of sugars that easy, it involve some pesticide thingy.
In the past, I can’t see the story behind, I only see the product. So, I always purchased it and used it. In was just like in the past when I eat meat. I only saw the meat and never see the story behind. After knowing it, I experience a terrible feeling.
Felt terrible for my amount of knowledge and doing something I always tell myself not to do, yet unknown about it. It’s a foolish.
I swear I will never drink soft drink anymore and I really mean it. Happiness is not building on these kinds of things. Not “enjoying” these things doesn’t cost me lost anything.
Hmm...my next step will be kicking the addiction to coffee as well and I believe I can do it.
In the past, I can’t see the story behind, I only see the product. So, I always purchased it and used it. In was just like in the past when I eat meat. I only saw the meat and never see the story behind. After knowing it, I experience a terrible feeling.
Felt terrible for my amount of knowledge and doing something I always tell myself not to do, yet unknown about it. It’s a foolish.
I swear I will never drink soft drink anymore and I really mean it. Happiness is not building on these kinds of things. Not “enjoying” these things doesn’t cost me lost anything.
Hmm...my next step will be kicking the addiction to coffee as well and I believe I can do it.
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