It's too late

Some thoughts, it's too late to tell.
Some things, it's too late to do.
Some dreams, it's too late to realize.
All become regrets when it's too late.

Who disappear have no alternative.
Who live have to go on.
To realize the shared dream
And to share the experienced happiness and bitterness.

It is to carry along every shared things.
Let the regret and life continue to live in mind.
It's because do not want to part with them
And let them disappear in this world.

The depth of the life.
The sincerity of the feeling.
The maturity of the mind.
Have become the axis of the story.

Missing someone become the motivation to live on.
Dream have become the only hope.
Imagination is the only spirit to let the story continue.

Schedule

Just finish the second week of semester by registering subjects and tutorial.
Now, is moving toward the third week of new semester.
Still can chill and relax??....Hmm...Guess what i need to prepare.

Third week is the global marketing assignment deadline and the presentation of this proposal (20 minutes each group).
Fourth week is the thesis proposal deadline, exam for the Global marketing and the presentation of knowing myself (5 minutes), proposed construct deadline.
Fifthweek is the movie essay deadline and thesis defence (with Q&A).
Then, YEAH!! Happy new year!!!
Should be happy?
Is the midterm immediately after new year celebration. =="
Then, many group projects coming up.
Every Sunday being preoccupied by Training 9-6pm.

So called life. Sometime, I dunno whether i should cry or smile.
Substantial or toil.

Immediately, coming to sick while completing projects, due to the decreasing of immune system.

Anyway, this is what i choose. Isn't it?
When being closed into A and B, have to choose A or B.
No matther what has been chosen, each path have their way of going on and this is the way to go.

Things done bits by bits, road taken bits by bits.
Everything accumulated to something.
After day by day, month by month, year by year.
When looking back, time still flies.
What left?
Depend on me to say.

Anyway, here I am, reaching certain section of the path.
Looking at the differences scenarios surrounded.
Bringing along the wondering mind.

Sharing happiness

Hey, she is getting married this month.
She called and invited me.
How long have we not been contacting each other?
I have forgotten.
How long have we been friend with each other?
Almost 13 years.
How much I know about her?
Before I further my study, quite many of things which she reluctant to talk about.
Now, I dunno anything as we seldom update ourselves with each other.
Are our lives still interact with each other?
We are walking into different paths but we still know that each other existed.
Have we forgotten each other?
Never, it's just in the long-term memory.
It need something to recall and retrieve this part of information.
Sometime, it's still able to appear in the short-term memory.
We still in each other mind because we once appear in each other lives.

Hey, the feeling.....I dunno how to describe...
Haha...mushy mushy...:P
When she called, memories flies back.
It is a critical period for most of the people.
For me, she is sharing her happiness.
I would like to think in this way.
So, no matter how busy, I would like to participate.
What caused this motivation?
It is because the value in my mind.

I just discover that distance away "me" coming back.
Which I almost thought that "me" has disappeared.
This part of me never change.
It is just faded because of something but not disappear.
Something can make it float again.
Why?
Because.....
it is deep? it is the habit? it is importance? refuse to let it go?
stubborn to hold it? it's made me?
Dunno

hey...
It's means we are becoming adult and getting older. We are moving into the next stage of life. BUT...we are still exist.
Of coz, we dunno about the future. Next stage, next next stage....we dunno.
But now, we are passing thro another stage and still existing.

Let me escape from the academic environment for a while. I am not only with subjects, study in future, and story about college and jobs. I dun want to blind my eyes. I want to see and feel that there are another way of life going on. It's definitely not small. Hey....it's them. You know? People that rarely appear in college and who only used to be part of my life and shaped my life.

Haha...one news that stimulate thoughts and feelings.
Hmm...just wish her well.
Pushing down the wine shop sign for their 7 years of love happily. In actual, is 9 years, just something happen in between. However, it made them even strong.:)

Hole

One day, there was a person walking toward his destination.
He passed by a hole and wanna to know what is inside the hole.
He put his hand into the hole and could not touch anything.
He said:"the hole is too deep, I can't touch anything."
Another person said:"why people always said the hole is too deep and not said that my hand is too short."

Merely like this story. Hahaha.
Laugh my lung out.
Not laugh for the joke. Just feel like to laugh.

When is it full?

Once upon a time, there was a disciple learn skill from a teacher.
After a few years, the disciple felt that he had learned enough and he requested to leave the school and wanna to develop his own business.

The teacher asked him:" What is the meaning of enough?"
The disciple answered:" When it is full already."

Then, the teacher asked the disciple to get the big bowl to see him. The teacher got the stones to fill the big bowl full and asked:" Is it full?". The disciple answered:"Yes, it is"
Then, the teacher got the sands and still could fill into the bowl and he asked:"Is it full already?" The disciple still answered:"Yes"
Again, the teacher got the lime and still could fill into the bowl and he asked:"Is it full already?" The disciple was getting nervous, but he still felt that the bowl had full. So, he still answered:"Yes"
This time, the teacher got the water and still could fill into the bowl and he asked:" So, is it full already?" The disciple did not answer this time.

This was because he had understood that the "full" (满)he means was just what he thought. In reality, it was not the true "full" but just his own complacent (自满). There are still many detail things unnoticed and need to further refine it whereas with complacent, it only stopped self from going further far.

His dream

He has forgotten that he is the teacher and we are the students only. We are not his team.
He place too much of expectation on us and we know there is limitation to help. Because we still have our world.
His dream is all of his world, but it's not ours, it's just partly of our world. So, it is almost impossible.

It's sad when listen to him how he wish to realize his dream.
It's too big and it's not something we can achieve.
Therefore, we remain silent.
It's sad when he is thinking too much because he make himself even sad. The more we are not motivated, the more he will indulge at fail.

I would like to question, is there any dream can be realized without sacrifice and risk?

I think it is almost impossible. However, he never thinking of retreat a bit to satisfied both sides. What can be done? He let go the opportunities himself.

There is alternative for him provided by his fans and supporters, but he reject. There is possibility to gain the resources, but he cant pull down his face. Yet, he want to realize his dream. How?

What I can see is, personality and attitude shaped a person's life and this is the path he choose.

2012

She asked me whether i believe that year 2012 is the end of the world.

I said, let's dun care whether believe in it or not. Let's think what would we like to do if year 2012 is really the end of the world?

She is talking about the future.
I am talking about the present.

When there are so many choices, it is a good way to be used to make a decision. Counting down on the two year, what i would like to do? Then, i will know the answer. :)

Don't understand

There are many things i dun understand.
Nobody can give me answer.

After hoping and hoping again, what can be gained is just disappointing. Finally, it come to desperation.

There are many things have no answer, or I should said cannot be given an answer. It is having no choice.

I know there is nothing in this world. The busy appearance is only that emptiness.

I wanna to find my own sky and starting my adventure. When there is no one can give me an answer, i can only depend on myself to search for the answer. Bringing along the courage and perseverance to set off.

Dun wanna to stay and wasting my time on the emptiness and yet cant get any answer.

There are many stuffs I wanna to break away from, to leave the created complicated. I just wanna to go back to the simple life, simple mind and simple person.

For everything, the simplest is the easiest to be understood.

Decisions on tests

Everything in life is full of tests. When there are choices, need to see what a person will choose. When there is no choice, need to see how to create choices. Many things need to depend on decision made. When choices and decisions chained along time, it's life.

Today, i decided to participate an event and not to tuition, so i see more information about the therapy. Then, I decided not to bring rain coat, so i need to suffer being drained. When I decided to take short cut road, it's become a long and weary night in PS, because of turning around and around.

This time, when waiting for bus, there was a girl waiting the same bus with me. She kept talking with me and den asked me to keep an eye on her belongings because she need to go to toilet. Dun like this kind of responsibility, because it will be really troublesome if there is something happen. Finally, she came back and everything were safe. Then, she started to keep complaining on the bus not coming. Later, she invited me to take taxi with her twice, but I decided to reject. In the end, she still decided to take taxi alone, which cost RM27. It is really costly.

Well, within 5 minutes after she left, the bus came.

Differences

Last year of December, I still felt guilty for the death of grandmother. This year, I have almost forgotten about her death ceremony and wanna to participate one ceremony in University.

Last year of September to December, life was hectic. This year, life was quiet. Both years are busy but is belong to difference types of busy. Difference experiences let me experiences differences feeling. Then, i know what i would like to have and not to have.

Dad said, my rich cousin renovated his house, the whole lower floor, into karaoke room. The TV screen is 101' and there is thousands of songs. My mouth cant close when i heard this as i think it is really exaggerate.

Maybe I should be envy or jealous gua. However, what pop up in my mind is my another cousin, his younger brother. When there is superior, there is inferior. Their fates can be totally differences from each other.

The younger cousin's business cant expand, own a condo and have a son not so brilliant. Besides that, one sad thing to say, he used to have twins children, but his wife experienced miscarriage when they were six months old in womb. Just heard about it, felt that it was really heart pain, let alone who experience it.

Yet, the cousin who renovate his house own a three floor semi-bungalow, have great business that really earn moneys and two children (one son and one daughter) who looked clever.

With this kind of "happiness", comparisons will occur automatically. When there is someone happy, another will be unhappy. Wondering how he will feel. Hope he can cope with it.

Hmm... If a person think got problem, got problem. If a person think no problem, no problem.

Expectation to meet them

When i first came to college to study, I have a little expectation. Since I choose to study psychology, I thought that I will met with people with philosophy thought and thought that involves human nature.

Hmm...It seem not really like that. However, I did meet quite a number of people with deeper thought. Compare to other places or secondary schools, I meet more people who think about life and human nature in college, instead of money and results only.

Then, I discover a common trait, which is easy to angry. It might be due to feeling of critique to surrounding, think that everything I think is right and have many own opinions to things.

This anger feeling has become the barrier for me to them. Besides that, there is a hidden arrogant insides the mind of these kind of people as well. It is a bit pity to be unable to share thoughts together and listen views from other perspectives. Most discussions are hard to be remained calm and objectives.

I seem can understand the trait as I used to be like that. I dunno whether I have changed successfully or not, but i know I have put down a lot of rage and arrogant in mind. To be able to see and accept more things.

Adult

Adult, this term bring a lot of negative meanings for me. Most of them do not do what they said. It seem that everything they said is the right thing, but some things are not really like this. They can choose not to keep promises and not to explain anything. Besides that, they have the power to instruct the minors to follow what they said and yet let the minors to bear the consequences by themselves. With the power, they can choose not to protect minor. There are many things seen.

Yea, I used to be disappointing to them. So, I dun wanna see them and listen to them. Since i know what they said is not always the right thing, i make my own decision which is the most suitable for me. No need to discuss and ask for approval.

I was planning and waiting. I wanted to collect the resources to leave the place and wandering around the world. I dun want to care for anything.

Just, there was a turning point occur. Therefore, i live a life now.

However, sudden realize I have grown up now. I see the people with almost same age around me. We have become adults. It is a understanding that we are actually almost the same. It is the reality, no one can change it. It is the chains that continue one by one. There was no end and no start.

It's never mind already. For the uncontrollable, just accept it. For the controllable, try all the best to maintain the controllable. Hmm...

Extreme

In the test, the result show that i have a ability is superior, but some are average. Even the person-in-charge also met a trouble to determine it or think that have make a mistake during doing the test.

In the assignment, I got 18/20 (superior), yet another got 7/20 (low). Sometime i think that it looked stupid because both added up and divided into two means average only. It make the superior means nothing, although almost no other else can reach the superior stage.

For subjects, i can score really high for one and then another really low. So, my result can be really extreme to both side. Sometime i felt funny.

Wondering which psychology theory can explain these for me. Started to think, is it because of motivation? But then, i still cant arrange my thoughts for this.

I am always like that, started since small. No one can have any tactic to get me. I think i bring a lot of troublesome for parents. Mom once said, "this is called follow the "wind" (means follow mood), so bring problems to yourself and others lo." I know this is not rational. I try to change, but i felt even stupid for doing so. The thought of "putting effort on stupid thing" "this is meaningless" and many thoughts will come out. Yea, i will be brought away by these thoughts as i really felt boredom.

Haha... It is my stubbornness. Yea, for the thing i like, i would put whole heart into it. For the thing i dun like, no one can force me, even myself, to do it.

Until today and now, I have a wish in my mind. The one and only wish in my mind. I really hope they can allow me this time as I have also really decided to do so. Let me be stubborn for the last time, to them. I know the stubbornness do come out already but I would like to call for more stubbornness. It is really needed at this point of time and in this situation. Do please come out.

Be extreme. Be brave.

Out of expectation

I went for a forum at the beginning of this semester. In the forum, they recommended about a test and give offer. Since i can afford it, so i decided to give it a try, for fun and also experience.

I get my result recently. It told me I have superior perceptual reasoning index. Then high average working memory. Lastly, it is the average verbal comprehension index and average processing speed index. Then the person told me that i have better auditory memory than visual memory. Hehe, good auditory memory let me able to remember what people once said before, it let me know what kind of a person is.

Haha, actually, i expecting an analytical and deeper information. However, i think what i know about myself is more than the result given to me.

I think this test is just a tool to put people to compare with each other, to know where is own position in certain ability. This create the high, low, superior and inferior, compare to people. Haiz...i just want to compare to myself, i know i have good perceptual reasoning and know i am weak in communication. Then?

Hmm, this test cannot tell me as well. So, what will happen when a person told me I am superior than others in certain ability. I think one is to be arrogant and another one is limited myself. Since i know it is superior, i will see a line that i am closer to the final but not see the unlimited.

Since i am aware about this, hope i am able to avoid restricting myself.

I think this test did let me gain experience. Well, I did not plan for this experience and also most of the experiences. When i interact with my environment, i just see what i can do and what i want to do. Holding this to live in this world let me able to do a lot of things. Sometime, when people asked me how do i know about this info and that info, i really do not know how to answer. Just enjoy the out of expectation and notice the information that do not match with our own view and thoughts gua. Hmm...like this, the world become bigger le gua, i think is because of this ba.

Because ya, planing for too many things will only cause vexations. When focusing on meaningless vexations, it let people lose the broader view and chances.

Just like her, because of planning, she need to deal with the conflicts, started to worry and become emo. It exhausted her because of using energy to think, talk, angry, sad and etc, for should-be-a-simple matter. It can be avoided or do not need to make it become like that. Hmm...People make it complicated. So, being too attached to something and wanna something happen same as the plan cause miserable. Sometime, just let it go and let most of the thing happen naturally to become an event, it will be meaningful, happier and relaxing.

Haha...just....Enjoying the out of expectation.

Exam

It's exam period recently.

People seem discussing about the Miss S's exam.
Hmm...i know if it happen to me, i will feel terrible as well.
Just, I still view it from another angle.

She didnt tell students what to study. Then, in the exam, a large amount of questions (almost 70%) are not come out from reading material. People upset and confuse in the exam and after the exam.

Hmm... so, what a person study is what will come out in the exam seem has gradually become a rule for the student. Besides that, we should have the time to prepare for the test as well. I think that's the reason when something out of the rule happen, everyone is making furious.

It is because the outcome is the most importance, not only for the person who experience the test, but also who judge people based on outcome.

However, in reality, this kind of tests is really common. Besides that, there is always no material and time for a person to prepare. The test of life will come from everywhere, anyway and anytime.

Therefore, i think everything have to be well prepared all the time originally. The preparation is depending on the large amount of things, such as attitude, EQ, whether material read understood and remembered and many. In other words, it is not starting to prepare only after knowing when will be having test and what kind of test it is. This will not happen in reality.

Of coz, it is easier to be said than done. So, i think who can pass this kind of test (Ms S's exam), who will be the one can survive.

It is the thought and surprise given by Ms S in this semester.