Wind blow

There is a kind of people who like

to talk about people and events,

even a minor thing, they like to make it big.

When they have not understood the situations,

they always talk like they know it.

Or just a small incident, they like to make it looked serious.

If I am not firm enough, i think i will follow the wind

to be blew by them and dunno where I am alr.

However, it's just like a dog that like to bark

which will not be a threat for others and will not bite.

Please dun angry at them.

If you do angry at them, please forgive them.

Sometime, they dunno what they are doing.

Sometime, they are just releasing their signal to get

attentions, love, and to show their thirsts and needs.

Can you see? They are hurt.

Thoughts appear in camp

In one of the games of that camp, we needed to talk about

how I think about you and how you think about me.

I saw that people are always curious about how others look at ourselves.

For me, I think that these looks contains both good and bad and they are always staying together, and it's just depending on our choice.

Depend on what we choose to look at and how we cope with it.

He asked me:" why you dun want to know how others look at you and also have no wish to talk about how you look at others?"

I said:"I just think that no matter who they are, i think they are just "that"only because i have no wish to interpret any."

Then, he asked again:" Then, will you look at the people who asked help from you?"

I simply answered him a single phrase:"That's differences, character and attitudes are differences things to talk about."

Hmm...I think....there is no good and bad about character and so i have no wish to judge, but what attitudes a person choose to face their character and lives will influence them.

In another game, he gave me feedback and said I am just like a flower that going to bloom. Then i think that maybe need to ask the flower whether it would like to bloom. In additions, bloom bring another meaning as well which is going to wither. Has it prepared to face the wither?

Then, I come back to look at myself. I think that I would like to let it grow naturally, by following the law of nature. Each periods has each wonderfulness, going-to-bloom flower, blooming flower and withering flower are all beautiful. The most importance thing is i know how to enjoy and appreciate every moments that I have.

It came to the time to write about our strengths. Back to the classic principle which both strengths and weaknesses are always staying together with each other.

Then, I shared with them that I will choose to look at me who have hands, instead of me who have no legs. If I choose to look at me who have no legs, even i choose 10x time to learn to walk, i will never walk as good as a person who have legs. Then, where is my sense of worthy in the society? However, if I choose to look at me who have hands and I used the same 10x time to learn handicraft, then my products will have it great value. Then, my sense of worthy in the society will arise.

I think that everyone have equal time and effort, but the most importance thing is to place them in the right place and a place that worth. That's come to the importance of talent.

Besides that, I think that everyone has many parts of ourselves. By using part of me in suitable place, it will be a strength and vice versa. However, a person will never be prefect and there will be some limitations. When I have a ability, i will not have the opposite ability. For example, when i am big picture person, it's hard for me to focus on details. Therefore, i need others who have details ability to help me and i can help them with my big picture ability.

There is nothing to be afraid of to be frank about our weaknesses and limitation, because following the principle which both strengths and weaknesses are together, when i show my weakness. i've shown my strength at the same time.

Haha...I felt happy to be able to go that camp. It help in self awareness and it gave me some stimulations. ^^ All we talked about is we.

The lost

It does has a impact on me.

I wonder how about you.

I am not the person who lost it.

However, I has also been influenced by this.

The impact should only be considered minor influences.

Moreover you...

U kept saying it's ok...

but whenever u wanna repeat your behavior

I wonder what is in your mind.

What is the picture appear？

What is the thoughts appear?

Will you constantly worry about it after that?

This is my thought:

Try to settle it NOW,

dun make it worse

I worry that in the future you will.....hmm..

journal of the day

So, I went to participate the workshop.

Met with a girl and we chatted for a night.

It is because she always stayed alone in the hostel.

No one can talk to her. Poor thing.

However, I think I walk in her world too fast unconsciously.

Faster than I can think of. OMG!! What happen....hmm...

Then, I think she felt naked in front of me and asked me

is people who study psychology can read people mind?

I explained psychology and told her about ethic....hmm...

Haiz.....I know it but I cant control it.

I noticed it and told someone half year ago.

I dun 1 her to explain to me what it is,

I wanna her to help me control it

and dun let it control me.

Can she understand? I wonder....Haiz

Went to a place where I have been three years ago.

I dunno my destination at first and so it surprised me.

Three years ago, I learned play therapy there.

Today, I learned role play.

The play therapist who taught me three years ago

become participants too and learn role play

with me from another trainer.

I felt it is so special...haha..

Then, I heard good news about her.

She has got scholarship and will be further study in UK.

This time, I have learnt about directive but yet non-directive way

to conduct therapy. @@

Although he didnt teach much and not fully,

i can understand that bit too. hehe

Hmm...I wonder why he like to make simple things

to become so complicated.

Wasting so many energies just to listen and understand

simple concepts...haiz...

Money minded people....

I strongly felt that the facilitator is doing for money.

All his behaviors seem fit this hypothesis especially at the end

he asked people to join his other workshops to learn in depth...

Err....that's y i felt he is not so prepare for this workshop..

and he like turned and turned just to explain a thing.

Hmm...nvm...surveying cost money and time....

At least I can know he is not the one.

Hmm....the people at that place have their special ascent

Actually, I felt like outsider at that place.

Cant talk much...just like...hmm...

dunno how to describe.

When I was back, the sport complex is so crowded.

People seem celebrating some events.

Hmm....felt nice to listen to their shouts

and also to see the firework.

haha...I think I have slept too much on bus.

I cant sleep now....

Hmm...nvm...since tomoro will be a free day..=)

International part time job

My part time job require me to wake up at 6am,

seldom wake up so early since i finish my secondary study.

>.<.

Saw international conference

Saw people come from different country bringing different attitude

Now i know that people really represent their countries.

Recently, interact with a lots of people from other countries.

Counted the airport job too.

Nice experiences....haha..

Therefore, I still dun have intention to find a proper job yet.

I am still enjoying such life and my freedom.

After completing job at last day, we took some pic.

Before we left the hotel, we overheard a black guy talking over phone

He said " it's bad experience with our that temporary company. "

@@...dunno...such is world and people...haha

Then, I go shop for my stuffs. Prepare my next plan. ^^

Quite looking forward

But also didnt place high hope.

Just enjoy my environment la...

Hehe...we not only do our job,

we also learn many things about business world.

Saw the so called "socialize" place

We also take many books for free..hehe...

Hmm...will go for workshop later.

Ei...one weekend, I finish my salary for working three days. =)

Thank you

I felt like i am burning money.

Haha...

Dun mind...

no money d only find job la..^^

Hopefully, I have stopped her from finding me to go for sales.

I want to keep my energy for other things.

Unless one day, I really need it very very much

den i only go for that la. bye bye ya...

Camp

Yes!! I went to a camp.

I felt really happy and enjoy everything.

Thanks to my team member who prepare most of the things.

The things i like the most are we can exchange philosophy thoughts with each other.

It is because the teacher is philosopher too...haha

It's very hard to have such chance.

Discuss openly without the need to consider about hurting others.

I like this stimulation.

We went to a good environment place.

We relax and learn from each other.

Our facilitator is a person who is brave to try

and can control most of the situation

Just like what he said, we just need to be positive,

then many negatives can be eliminated.

We dun hav to wory about extra things

and we will solve the problem calmly when challenges appear.

Haha, den this time, I know a friend deeper as well.

A life I have never encounter before.

This time, I cant fully understand about how she felt alr.

I can only wait for her to tell me.

Now i know how simple can life be.

Such life is her happiness.

Everything in front of her is not a problem,

what she can think of is "just do like that,

den problems can be solved"

WOW!!how cool is it. haha

I found out that my fear decreased.

I also dunno what cause it become lesser...

Might be the result of what I have been forcing myself

these three years.

I try to direct the lesson to be deeper by asking certain question.

It is because we dun need to rush this time and so we can make full use of time in valuable things. Also because i think my friends can understand most of the things in this stage already.

I also dunno how come my thoughts run so fast.

Maybe because I have had enough rest.

Haha...i felt the past me, who is fast in thinking, back here.

He said i am a bud going to burst into flower.

I am waiting for the time to reach.

haha..for me, means going to gone soon.

Because once flower mature, also time to die d.

hehe....

He said she is a lotus flower.

have a gentle and pure sense.

He and she have big dreams and trying hard to fulfill now.

Another she is still confusing about life.

As for she, she, she, they all know what they want already.

Their dreams are not so big compare to the two, but they have to learn to maintain the balance of life in order to continue to have all what they want.

As for me, also seem firm.

Although I have graduated, I am still learning a lots these two months

Furthermore, I dun need to wory about works.

Such learning life is so much better.

Still can live like this for how many months leh?

journal of the day

Had a nice day today.

I felt like he was singing to the sea.

I felt like he was starting a new life.

I felt like she was a very special person.

It's nice to be with them.

I felt like so comfortable and happy.

From the first dinner to second supper to third supper.

All were nice.

I was listening stories.

First was hers, then was everyone, then was his.

I felt happy to be able to know them.

How would I willing to leave this place leh?

haha...Life is meaningful.

Opportunities are here and people are here.

Hmm...tomoro will also be a full day.

However, I felt good because I am not doing anything

out of obligation.

I am doing everything willingly and happily.

Then, I am also looking forward for my vocation. ^^

Yea....life after graduated...

I dun need

Continue to be your superior.

Continue to be your incredible.

Go ahead!! I wont stop you.

I dun need the things that you would like to give me.

Actually, I dun like it at all.

You can take it back.

U dun know what I want and

I know you cant give me what I want too.

You are not here.

Why keep it this way?

Just continue the way I do,

you continue the way you do.

I wont bother you.

I regret.

I shouldnt do tat.

No matter how, all these should be kept.

You shouldnt be told

You shouldnt know.

Let's break

Am I disgracing you?

Let's break.

Make it clean.

Have to admit to this.

If I wanna go, no one can keep me.

If I dun want to go, no one can make me go.

Am I troubling you?

Let's break

Make it clean.

Have to admit to this.

I dun want you to be my burden.

I also dun want me to be your burden.

What keep me here today?

I know it.

I will forget everything I've done.

I wont use anything.

Let me be the me today.

journal of the day

This morning, I went to a place and

met her unexpectedly.

Then, we chatted/gossiped and shared a lot.

About ourselves, our views and people around us...

Haha...I like it the way we exchange our opinions.

I think it is good. Not feeling like quarreling and not accepted.

Means we dun discuss til feel like we are fighting.

Then, I understand bits of her background from her sharing.

Err.....she said

She felt meet me too late...

Err...i dunno how to answer her.

So, I skip...Just smiled and looked at her

She said it's because she like to organize activities as well.'

If we met earlier, we can do things together...

I believe there will be chances in the future de...

if we still meet each other. haha

Such things will not just stop in college only...

there are so many opportunity outside there.

She have three choices which are clinical, corporate and social work.

She said if she do corporate, she have to give up clinical.

I said she can do all together.

What she would like to do the most now is corporate.

Then, I said go ahead and at the same time have some social work.

It is because social work can be put in part time.

Then, I said if after few years/months in corporate world,

she feel still want/interested in the cilinical psych,

she can come back and learn the skills and knowledges.

Then, integrate both clinical and corporate.

She can gain good experience in corporate world,

which help her in clinical work.

I think they fit together perfectly. haha

Later, fetch friend home and go for conference.

I think i will wait until i dun hav money, i only go for this plan.

For the time being, i really dun like this.

Err....what they see is economy and opportunity.

I understand this but I see desires more than the others.

They are making use of peoples' weaknesses.

That's the bad side of psychology.

And finally, I saw it today.

That's so scary and people get hooked so easily.

Haiz....Nothing is perfectly good in the world.

Hmm....human...

Defense and cope

I saw two defense mechanisms.

One is smiles, one is the way the person talk.

I wont say any useless things.

I will say let see what can we do now.

First is problem coping.

Second come to emotion coping.

I wont say it is nothing.

I will say find a way.

I will say be prepare.

If I cant avoid, I have to learn to cope, to face.

That's it.

Please dun give me lectures at this point of time.

Please let me be quiet.

As i might use projection.

Please dun say anything good to me too.

As i will feel even bad.

It's not the time to learn yet.

It's the time to feel.

That's it

If I were her

If I were her, i think i will break down immediately.

I am sure my face is black

and my soul will disappear.

If for me, i dun want to say anything d.

Insides, i will feel really really bad.

I let her chose.

Whether she would like to be quiet or talk.

She started the conversation.

So, i tried to think of what to talk about.

Started one story by another story.

Shared whatever came across my mind.

Shake away the thoughts about what she is feeling now.

Dun need to talk about it.

It doesnt matter it is true or false, felt or not felt.

It is about how to feel better.

How to cope it.

I know it will happen when wanna do the call.

I tried not to look at it because

i know the feeling of dun want to be seen.

I just accepted everything.

Whatever it is.

I just thinking go to a quiet nice environment place for a while.

Starbuck came across my mind.

And i am thinking of how to invite her.

However, they said need to go to town.

It fit to my plan as we have to go to another place

instead of going home immediately.

Starbuck become not a good place as it is in opposite direction.

We go to a place nearby our destination.

Rest and let time pass by.

The longer it drag, the impulsion will getting down.

So tat, the others will not talk and talk and talk.

Finally, settle everything.

Hope tat they will do their job.

Pray that everything will be back.

Still got hope, still got chance.

Just tat it is out of control.

Not a human can control.

So, pray. At least, pray.

Contribute the good energy, good will.

Attract good things.

Pray.

Dun and wise

Saw some nice sentences.

Dun make promises when I am excited.

Dun answer doubt when I am depressed.

Dun make decision when I am angry.

Think twice before moving on, have wise behavior.

Means be quiet...

No promises, no answer and no decision

when i have those emotions.

Arent these the emotions that I will experienced most of the time?

Haha....

It also means I can only make wisdom choice

when I more calm.

Quite fit with my situation now.

However, I dunno it is wise or not.

Let it be...

No matter how I imagine, it will never near to reality.

Changes always happen.

So, just walk and I will know answer by that time.

Ok le

Yea~~Free from stress.

What i guess is quite near to reality.

If go in that way, i think i might die soon.

Time is a crucial matter.

So, now still wait.

Means I am going into a long-term battle,

depend on how much "provender" I have.

Also, the chips.

This is the bet i place,

see how it will go.

This time, is a large play.

However, at most I lost my time and money only.

I can afford it for the time being.

Besides, I would like to have these experiences as well.

Lost also win because I can learn many things

and enjoy life within that period.

Still a win-win situation, just a big win or small win only.

Ok...make up my mind.

No rush, by the way.

My decisions quite fit with my values.

This is the best way for me to get everything I would like to have.

Ok...be patient and learn.

Calm down and work hard.

Most importance, be happy.

No matter what, be happy.

journal of the day

OMG!! I forgot that I need to eat something today.

This morning I just had a small plate of bihun.

Then today's life was not so busy,

just settling tiny things here and there.

Dunno why, just didnt think of eating.

Only remember about it by now.

but it's not time to eat alr.

Knowing that she still persistence in her dream

I felt happy for her.

I like this kind of person.

Another she looked at me.

It looked like she got sth to say.

However, nothing said in the end.

She told me that I just need to insist on certain things.

Not much words.

But i understand what she means.

However, I havent make up my mind yet.

*headache

*Heart cramp